How often as a parent of a child with autism have you wondered “If only I could see the world as he sees it” or “If only I could get inside of his head, then I might know what is going on.”

But we can’t do that. It would be nice if our sons or daughters could really communicate how they’re feeling; how our voices are affecting them, why they can’t do socially accepted things like shaking hands, how that person looking at them sets them off, or whatever it is that makes both of our lives difficult.

I’ll never forget the time when talking to my son about doing something that is second nature to me and in my mind, to anyone else, he plainly stated: “That’s easy for you to say.” Those words really hit me square in the face and made me think. I needed to stop thinking about me and start thinking about him.

The idyllic dreams of fatherhood or motherhood we have growing up need to be cast aside when our children—like us—made in the image of God, have the characteristics of autism or other intellectual disabilities. It’s time to open the door to a new world with other challenges but also some beautiful moments.

Us parents, we also change and we must change. Our patience grows ever stronger every time we ask a question and wait and wait, counting in our heads, before the answer finally comes. We certainly learn a lot of things we never expected to be learning as we read books by Temple Grandin, join support groups in our community, and navigate the web of social services, Social Security, and other governmental programs.

There are treasured moments when you’re a parent of an autistic child. Some of the mental and sensory abilities of an autistic person are amazing. Things like instant recall of details from family trips or sporting events of years past, baseball players’ statistics and scores from any year; or seeing your son watching his favorite TV show with the volume level at 4 because that’s his comfort level.

Many children on the autism spectrum develop a special interest in one or two areas and hone into them to the nth degree. For my nephew it was the French horn and anything French. For my son, Scott, it was butterflies and later, cooking and anything to do with food prep. He caught, mounted and meticulously framed dozens of butterflies which he proudly demonstrated to various groups.

I remember when Scott gave a compelling 8th grade faith affirmation speech that drew high compliments from many in attendance at our church. This coming from that quiet and shy-like kid in the background. I wish I had the sound working on the video when I recorded it! Twelve years later I found myself reliving this moment when I came to pick him up from a vocational training program and his counselor told me how Scott volunteered to speak in front of the class about what he learned and once again nailing his presentation.

It is sad when as parents of a child on the spectrum, we see so much potential, special interests and abilities that can’t transfer to common workplace settings that demand high levels of people skills or multi-tasking between different areas. Our kids apply for many jobs and don’t get called in for an interview. They get interviews that end up going nowhere.

When they do get a job, problems soon arise and they get let go for unexplained reasons. They may get a job and perform well for a while, even get good reviews, but then an angry co-worker sets them off and they then walk off the job. We all know how common anxiety and even panic attacks are with autism.

My recommendation is to find a counselor, life coach or job coach who understands autism and has the experience and training needed to deal with these situations. We need to find jobs where the workplace is sensitive to these unique needs and can adapt. Job coaches need to find jobs that fit the interests and skills of their clients. Our state vocational programs need to specialize more in customized employment and specifically helping people with cognitive disabilities and/or mental illness.

The number one thing we as parents must do is advocate for our children. Mothers and fathers need to stick together and help each other. Yes, it’s challenging but it’s also an opportunity for all of us to learn and grow.